GuilT.........

I would have thought that I may have begun this new year with happiness. But I guess not..........

This morning I receive the news from Nat that her fren has finally pass her the cash dat she owe me for the past two months. And I would be able to get it on my next working day...........

"All's well that ends well, I guess" that was my thought..............

After looking back at whatever that happens this past few months, I was plagued with the feeling of remorse, the feeling of guilt. All this time, she was trying her best to help me, she was trying so hard to get in contact with her fren so dat she could tell her to repay me back as soon as possible. But I fail to notice that. Even worse, I started doubting about her............

From my past experience, I was cheated by girls twice, both of them manage 2 cheat me huge sums of cash. And at that time, I was gullible to think that I may have "done the right thing" by loaning the huge cash. And when I finally realized that I was cheated, I swore to myself that I will nvr suffer the same thing ever again..........

But that is no excuse for this case. It was never a good enough excuse. Why the hell did I not believe that Nat was trying to help me? Why the hell do I not have any faith in her? Why the hell do I even have the thought that she wants to cheat me, just like the others? I remember, just because of what her fren do to me, I fought and argue wif her. And I even humiliate her by bringing shame towards her, by dragging her name down to the mud, by making her look like she's an evil girl. Why the hell do I have to be such a DEVIL to do all those things? WHY?!

For a while I cry out loud when I realize what pain I have to put her through. That I made her life like HELL when she's actually try to help me. If only I could take back all the shit that I've done towards her but alas, it will only be just a wish. No matter how hard I try, I can nvr undo what I've done. I feel so helpless, I cannot even heal the wounds that I inflict in her heart............

Even though she has already accepted my apologies, but I won't ever 4get this. Bcos of my stupidity, she'll nvr trust me ever again but I guess this is exactly what I deserve. For this is what they called retribution...........that I have to face............for the rest of my life..................

Things will never ever be the same again...................

Until then guyz...........................